i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
