Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
