My entire life is one complicated drinking game
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
