TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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