dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
