So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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