i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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