His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
