I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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