dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
