My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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