Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
