she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
