Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
