he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
