I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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