im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
