Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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