Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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