I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
