The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
