and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
