Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
