Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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