I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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