he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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