probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
