Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
