Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
