I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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