did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
