Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
