Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it because I queefed?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
