now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
