sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
