I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
