She said her name was "party"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
