Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
