Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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