Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
