Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
