is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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