Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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