definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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