what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
