Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
