you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
