Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
