So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
