So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
