i just sent this text using only my big toe
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
