Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
